"I should really be studying (cramming) for finals. Instead, I am beating my pathetic brains out trying to come up with witty answers to LJDQ. If I achieve sub-par scores tomorrow I shall lay the blame squarely at your feet." - cougarfang
We welcome your blame. You can stack it right next to all the other blame we've already received. In fact, we are, like, the KINGS of Blame! Similar to the King of Pain (by Sting), but different.
1. Who defeated Bobby Riggs in a 1973 tennis match dubbed "The Battle of the Sexes"?
"Are the Sexes some mutant form of the Saxons? Or are out talking about females and that other?" - shadowkeeper
(I swear, the Quizlings just keep on coming up with new & exciting ways to get these questions wrong.... -AL)
"I'm always playing a battle of the socks with my dryer. Where do those left foot socks go?" - akiyasan
(I have it on good authority that the answer is Aruba. -C)
"Roger Murtaugh? No? Sorry, I'm too young for this shit." - sadasi
(+1, Lethal Weapon. -C)
"PLaying the 'not born yet' card." - sometimespez
(Which comes with a -50 penalty these days. -AL)
"Venus Williams. After all, men are from Mars, women are from Venus." - sushimustwrite
"For a long time when I was a kid, I thought that Michael Jackson song was about her. 'Billie Jean is not my lover, she's just a girl. She days I am the one, but the kid is not my son...'" - marasca
(For the record, we don't know whether this is incorrect. -AL)
"She's not my lover, that's all I know." - portkey
(Wait, portkey is Michael Jackson?? -AL)
"Billie Jean King. Not much of a contest though, he was kind of old and decrepit. I'm old enough to remember watching that, so now I'm old and decrepit." - ginalin
"billie jean king, of course, thereby proving... something. who really cares about tennis anyway?" - songquake
"In a previous match, Riggs defeated Margaret Court. So he couldn't beat the King, but he could beat the Court! HA! HA! I slay me!" - drbear
(If you weren't already slain, I would have to slay you for the puns. So, thanks for saving me the work & dying on your own. -AL)
Correct Answer: Billie Jean King.
(Even More Correct Answer:)
"Billy Jean King, his advanced age, and hubris" - pyllgrum
2. What famous jazz musician recorded a duet with his daughter - 26 years after his death?
"Nat King Cole was a merry old soul, a merry old soul was he. With a corncob pipe and a button nose and two eyes made out of coal... Wait, that's not right, is it?" - marasca
(No, it isn't, and -1 for giving me the earworm and the unpleasant high-school choir flashbacks. Same goes for the other 14 of you who also referenced Old King Cole. -C)
"I have no idea, but now I'm creeped out. As if jazz weren't enough, jazz singing zombies may be roaming the earth! Run for the hills!" - clwshorty01
"OMGJAZZZOMBIES!! Run for your lives, people! Although I must say, I like the triple 'Z' in there. Very nice." - crystalcazzzie, um I mean crystalcazzie
"and then he ate his daughter's BRAINS. BRAINS..." - kestrel127, deza
"I think I read a Potterfic about this once. Except it was a wizard, not a jazz musician, and it was less 'recorded a duet' than 'got with the nookie.' Underage incestuous necrophilia. Thanks, J. K. Rowling." - amberdulen
(I don't think we can really blame J.K. Rowling for the sick creations of HP fandom. -AL)
"am I the only one more creeped out by the incestuous nature of the love song duet than by hearing a dead man and a woman whose carreer is dead perform?" - ishtar79
"Tupac." - portkey, deltashade, morganashkevron
"Ozzy Osbourne. Oh, wait." - puredeadthingy
"Elvis? No wait, he's not dead yet." - cougarfang, pheltzer, umbralcorax, shadowkeeper, thepikey, maggiebloome, cmzero
"Jonathen Rhys Myers is hot as Elvis." - shadowkeeper
(Jonathan Rhys Myers is hot, period. -C)
"Bleeding Gums Murphy." - kokopellinelli
(+1, The Simpsons. -C)
"Oh, I know this one. What was that song called again ... I know this. I mean, it's one of those songs that you can't not remember. Such an unforgettable song. I think it was ... nope, I got nothing." - spatialrift47
"the only reason that song is Unforgettable is because they played it over and over and over and over and over to the point that even at a young 10 years of age I wanted to go back in time and kill baby Natalie Cole. Yes, I know being a baby killer makes me a bad person, but admit it, you'd do it to if you knew that song was going to happen." - aimers81
"The theme to my junior year prom was 'Unforgettable.' It was a misnomer." - mcrunner03
"Nat 'Baronet' Cole. He may have been postumously promoted to viscount, but I don't see him making it all the way up the ladder." - drjayphd
"Nat 'Black Zombie (not to be confused with the heavy grunge band 'White Zombie')' Cole" - seldear
Correct Answer: Nat "King" Cole.
"Who you gonna call?" - mistyraven
3. What venomous snake dines mostly on other snakes, as reflected in its scientific name Ophiophagus hannah?
"I don't know the answer to this question, but my kitten just got his body stuck through the handle of a paper bag. That's funnier than any answer I could come up with." - marasca
"I'll bet the Crocodile Hunter has picked one of those beaautties up at some point." - wnedynat
"'Snakes. I hate snakes.'
'Ah, asps. Very bad. You go first.'" - buzz
(+1, Raiders of the Lost Ark. -CV)
"The Samuel L. Jacksnake. 'Bitch! I eat you!'" - lots42
(But only on a plane. -CV)
"it's the Ophiophagus serpens that dines mostly on other snakes. The Ophiophagus hannah dines mostly on little girls." - amberdulen
"Ohio-phagus hannah? That sounds like a long-necked girl from the midwest. Does she swallow King snakes?" - utforsker
"Daryl Hannah in Kill Bill" - trumpeterofdoom, david_deacon, krick, mcclintock
"My name is Hannah and I hate snakes. I resent my name being used as a snake classification." - thecolourclear
"The next time I meet someone named Hannah, I will be sure to inform her that her name means 'dining mostly on other snakes.'" - kamalloy
(Let us know how that pick-up strategy works out for you. -AL)
"King Cobra, who originated the 'hoody' fashion statement." - pyllgrum
"Few knew about Jack Hanna's ability to morph into a King Cobra at well, although Dave Letterman found his food requests for the Late Show green room rather discomforting." - layla515
"The king Cobra Kai. Because mercy is for the weak." - mcrunner03
(+1, The Karate Kid. -CV)
"Trusssssssst in meeeeeeeeee..." - babybokal
(+1, The Jungle Book. Although Kaa was mentioned several quizzes back. -CV)
"The king, um, adder. King grass snake? King eel! King . . . king . . . king coral snake? Are they real?" - undeadgoat
(Come on, just a few more species to try... -CV)
"Slytherin" - unamundamour
(I really can't believe we didn't get more of this one. But -1 for Harry Potter anyway. -CV)
Correct Answer: King cobra.
4. Name that film!
"I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion."
"You mean them little cubes you put in hot water to make soup?"
"No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup."
"But what would the soup taste like if you did use gold bullion? It's be some heavy damn soup, I know that." - buzz
"gold buillion would make terrible soup. However, wrapping giant buillion cubes in gold foil and then leaving them in Fort Knox would probably make an entertaining way of foiling cartoon villains." - kamalloy
"U.S. Army Video Manual FM 65.2: Field Ration Cuisine with Emeril Lagasse." - nakedblueninja
(I went to Emeril's for dinner a few days ago. I was totally underwhelmed. -AL)
"I only watched Three Kings to see if Marky Mark would strip down to his boxers. I thought the odds were good, him being in a desert and all. Bastard didn't." - lovellama
"I would have loved to be fly on the wall when George Clooney was talking to his agent about this one.
Agent: Dave Russell wrote a new movie called 'Three Kings' and he wants you to be in it.
George: Rigggghhhht...isn't that the guy who did 'Spanking the Monkey?'
Agent: Look, it's been 5 years since ER and what have you done? The Worst Batman Movie Ever." - morganashkevron
"Three Kings. I haven't seen it, but I'll add it to my download... er, rental! yeah, rental! list for this line alone." - marasca
(-1, admitting to felony activity in an online forum. -AL)
"Charlie and The Campbell Factory" - sweetpea86
"I actually like to eat chicken bullion straight. Mom says I'll ruin my kidneys before I'm 30. But dammit, it tastes good!" - cougarfang
"Holy shit! I used to have those cubes all the time! What the hell are they called? Do they still exist?" - portkey
(*looks at question* *looks at portkey* *looks back at question* *pities* -CV)
"I always wondered how exactly Kuwait counted as the Orient, until I realized that the three kings in question came from America. That just got me more confused." - deltashade
"Three Kings. Which featured FOUR American soldiers." - lots42
"I always thought that that title should've been indicative to the audience that one of the FOUR dudes who was going after the gold was going to end up dead." - lyme
(-1 to you, spoiler. +1 to me, spoiling. -CV)
"It's funny cause they're talking about cubes and Ice Cube is in the movie. That's a lot o' cube." - crazylike_afox
Correct Answer: Three Kings.
"I think your line quote pretty much sums up the intellectual stimulation level of that movie. Nice eye candy, though." - deza
"Random fact: Nowhere in the Bible does it say that there were three kings. It says there were wise men who brought gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Somewhere along the line, some idiot (the Venerable Bede, IIRC) decided three types of gift meant three wise men. And what the hell, let's call them kings." - caffeineod
5. What county (coterminous with one of New York City's five boroughs) would form the fourth-largest city in the United States if it were independently incorporated?
"Coterminous? New word of the day for me - woo! And my boss thinks hanging out on the internet all day is a waste of time!" - wendynat
"I had to look up coterminous as it is a word I am not familiar with. Dictionary.com only gives me a google ad that I should get a degree in criminal justice and healthcare. What combo that would be in the emergency room!" - akiyasan
"Coterminous? Is that a word? You've finally stumped me with a word I've never seen used. I must go look it up. Huh...the dictionary tells me that it means conterminous. HOW DOES THAT HELP ME KNOW WHAT IT MEANS?" - larinzia
"I'm willing to bet the internet that you just got that sentence out of a poncy trivia book. I contest the allegation that you know that many long words." - maggiebloome
(An LJDQ representative will be arriving to collect the internet from you later today. -C)
(Actually, I did a graduate degree in geography, so words like "coterminous" form a natural part of my vocabulary now. -AL)
"Queens, where the Greek diner is king!" - marasca
"I'm gonna go with Queens. Unless it's suddenly full of straight men, at which point we call it 'Kings'?" - nagi_schwarz
"But where in New York can one find a woman with grace, elegance, taste and culture? A woman suitable for a king. Queens!" - peaseblossom03, aimers81
(-1, Coming to America. -C)
"If it's the US, I don't care. Ask me about the metric system again." - dracothelizard, expressing the sentiments of the entire non-USA LJDQ contingent
"As a duly designated representative of the City, County and State of New York, I order you to cease any and all supernatural activity and return forthwith to your place of origin or to the nearest convenient parallel dimension. or Kings County... whatever's convenient" - pheltzer
(+1, Ghostbusters. -C)
"Doesn't Spiderman live there? Given the percentage of crazy caped supervillains in the area, independent incorporation isn't all that impossible." - amberdulen
"I looked up some stats on US city population--just out of curiosity, mind--and discovered that New York is 21% more densely populated than Delhi and five times as densely populated as Shanghai. This completely destroys my theory on why immigrants stand too close when waiting on line for the bus. My worldview has completely shattered and I must now run off to be a monk." - barbarienne
(Yeah, good luck with that whole monk thing. Just be sure to choose an order that has internet access. -C)
"The County Between New York and Boston, also known as Connecticut." - drjayphd
"Brooklyn, Baby! W00t! Reprezentin' in the hizzouse! We're talkin' B to the K to the Y to the N and oh my *god* even on line I am the whitest person on the planet." - angelchicken
(-1. You should know why. -CV)
Correct Answer: Kings County, aka Brooklyn.
6. If you were king of the world, what could we expect from your reign?
"OMG THAT IS SEXIST. I CHALLENGE YOU TO A TENNIS MATCH." - puredeadthingy
"A sex change." - lots of the ladies. Look, we were just sticking with the theme. You can be the Drag King of the world without having to indulge in surgery. Or, if you insist, you may be Queen.
"i demand that everyone speaks Dutch. It's fun, i do it too. Common servants, say after me: 'ik denk dat ik alle antwoorden op de LJDQ fout heb!!!!' Squee!" - basje
(I wonder what we just published there. -AL)
"I'd like to think that I'd be kind and benevolent, but I also know that I would use it as an excuse to detonate small countries. Goodbye Isle Of Wight, anyway." - benmiff
"Pudding and naps. Especially year round pumpkin rice pudding from Rice to Riches which is the best pudding ever. I want to bathe in it. Daily pudding baths for all! Tiny American flags for others!" - angelchicken
(+1, sorta Simpsons quote in there somewhere. -AL)
"Knighthoods for the LJDQ crew! Arise, Sir chaosvizier! Arise, Lady angledge! Arise, Lady mamajoan! (The three of you start singing 'We're Knights of the Round Table')" - drbear
"Pictures of my underwear on the currency." - sskipstress
(That's a novel abuse of power. -AL)
"When I am king, there will be free gin for the entire ljdq moderating staff, all mimes will be shot for crimes against humanity, the members of the Bush Administration will be stripped naked and hunted for sport, and most importantly..." - david_deacon
(david_deacon actually did finish his answer, but I think it's funnier this way. Also, that was a helluva large photo. -AL)
"The joy and abandon with which I declared it would put Leonardo di Caprio completely to shame." - amberdulen
"A ban on all academic tests, to be replaced by the LJDQ!" - cougarfang
"A second season of Firefly. Yes, I'm that shallow." - ishtar79
"You could expect me to squander all my time as leader using the position to get assloads of tail." - portkey
"First off, I'd change the title 'king of the world' to something more dignified like 'world emperor.' Then I'd institute socialism for fun and declare war on the Moon. Oh, and FREE POCKY AND ANIME FOR ALL!" - birdboy2000
"Religion would be banned, birth control and yearly parenting classes would be mandatory up to age 25, and more money would be paid to teachers and cops. Politicians (other than me) would be forced to dance naked through the streets, being pelted by raw eggs, in an annual celebration. White collar crime would be punishable by indentured servitude in jobs traditionally held by Untouchables." - barbarienne
"Daily LJDQ and pudding fights!" - deltashade
"An LJ Daily Quiz that actually ran every day." -
(We've been through this. Despite being named daily, the Quiz is weekly. Behold, the first mystery. -AL)
"Cheese for everyone!" - sweetpea86
"1. George Lucas would be forced to rewrite the awful, awful travesty he called Episodes I-III and fund it out of his own pocket.
2. Dubya and his cabinet would be sent to Iraq as one of the footsoldiers out on the frontline. And all the international pollies who supported him could go, too.
3. People would be forced to take an exam before they could become parents. An exam other than the practical!" - seldear
"leno would be making fun of me all the time for singing during press conferences. and everyone would be thoroughly confused by my abolition of state-sanctioned marriage and my War Against Fatphobia." - songquake
"Style. No more drab business suits and combovers. Oh no. I'll sport a rockstar pompadour and wear gold lame like the real King - Elvis." - morganashkevron
"My first decree would be to establish my own 'harem' of attractive men. The second would be to appoint chaosvizier as steward to rule the world in my stead while I spent some quality time with that harem. The 'vizier' bit makes him sound governmentally wise, and he could be paid entirely in pudding." - soimpossible414
"chaosvizier would be underground in a box filled up with peas." - mcrunner03
"I'd make puns the official Joke of the World, and angledge would have to suck it 'cause I'd be KING of EVERYTHING!! Booya!!!" - lovellama
(Sounds like it's time for a regicide! -AL)
"Furry pornography." - lots42
(Make that TWO regicides. -C&CV)
"I would attack Iraq, and add a Homeland Security Department. Oh, wait, he already did that." - dhud98
(He is not the king of me. -AL)
"MORE COWBELL!" - spatialrift47
"Hot chocolate and turkish delight for everybody!! Party in the castle!! Bring your own lion!! Woo!" - etumukutenyak
(-1. Turkish delight is nasty nasty stuff. Even if offered to you by creepy-sexy Swedish women. -CV)
"Any country or region with a lame flag must get a new one. No lazy 'monochrome seal on a solid background' crap." - rikchik
"An armored space station surrounded by SDI platforms. Heavy weighs the crown, even in zero-G..." - wiredwizard
"Pitchfork-wielding peasant mobs, most likely." - arib
"Lots of people running around with piss buckets. It's good to be the king." - nunshavingfun
Most Popular Answer: "More ice cream!"
Oops, kinda let you all run on a bit on Question Six. But heck, those answers were hilarious. Here's hoping one of us manages to become the Supreme Ruler of the Earth so that we can bring the ljdq to all peoples. Until then, we will continue bringing it to you. See you tomorrow!